CHILD ABDUCTIONS and the ABUSE EXCUSE
Speech at Child Abduction Conference, 1998 by Dean Tong
Author of ASHES to ASHES... Families
to Dust http://www.abuse-excuse.com
I recognize and feel your pain. Alot of you here have had your children
swept from under you, kidnapped in the middle of the night. Parental abduction
is the ultimate form of parental alienation, which I will talk about later.
It
is the end-product of vindictive parents, who whether they may be well-meaning
or well-intentioned (e.g. protecting children from alleged abuse) glean
the
end justifies the means...the psychological phenomena of "justification."
In
other words, they're justified in stealing their children. They're justified
in eviscerating a parent from the life of their children, aka a Parentectomy,
and vice-versa. To condone such actions would be to condone the actions
of the
Childrens Underground and Faye Yager, and I do not do so.
It goes without saying that child abuse is a horriffic, disgusting crime.
And,
I think we all agree that child abuse is a problem in America, and that
the
protection of children is a serious matter. We look at cases like Polly
Klauss, Megan Kanka (whose case promulgated Megans Law) and Jon Benet Ramsay
with anger, disbelief, pain and sorrow. We ask ourselves how can these cases
happen? The fact remains, there are sexual predators like Jesse Timendequas
and Richard Davis who are lower than pond scum. But, their acknowledged
heinous and reprehensible acts have triggered a backlash. Not only have
they
been sensationalized by the press, but also they've etched a mindset in
our
society...one that believes children do not lie about sexual abuse and must
be
protected at ALL costs.
There is a growing body of anecdotal and empirical evidence to support the
fact that false and unfounded accusations of child abuse, and the abuse
excuse, are used in todays chaotic world to satisfy ones suspicions, to
fulfill ones agenda...the agenda of abducting and harboring children in
another jurisdiction by parents. My website on the Internet is called the
ABUSE EXCUSE at www.abuse-excuse.com, and while it may appear on the surface
the site boasts of *only* intentional, premeditated accusations of child
abuse, used to eradicate a parent-child relationship in a protracted divorce
and custody battle, that is a false presumption.
In reality, only 10% of sexual child abuse accusations are made with
premeditated malice, for the express purpose of ruining the parent-child
relationship, to obtain custody. In fact, ~another 60% of the same are
promulgated by parents, usually mothers, who suffer from an underlying mental
health disorder, like Borderline Personality Disorder, who are delusional,
who
have a wish-fulfillment the other spouse abused or molested the child. These
people possess a psychopathology, a covert organic disease that is treatable.
These people cannot mediate with another parent. They cannot comply with
court-ordered mediation out of a nasty divorce. They only see black or white,
not gray. One minute they can be loving and get along..the next minute all
of
your clothes are on the front porch, you're kicked out of the house, and
then
accused of everything from domestic violence to stalking to child abuse.
CITE----->STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS LOVE & LOATHING. PROJECTION &
TRANSFERANCE!!!
Consider these statistics: These are April 1998 Census Bureau Statistics.
*The Divorce Rate has quadrupled from 4.3 Million in 1970 to 18.3 Million
in
1996.
*The number of divorces has tripled since 1960. This year there will be
1
million divorces involving more than 1 million children.
*10 million children live with a parent who is separated or divorced.
*At least 150,000 of this years 1 million divorces, 15%, will involve custody
battles, of which another 25% or 37,500 will employ accusations of child
abuse.
*The number of never married adults aged 18 and over has doubled from 21.4
million in 1970 to 44.9 million in 1996.
*The number of children living with both parents has declined from 85 to
68%
between 1970 and 1996.
I'm attempting to show there is a link in this country between Divorce,
Custody, Child Abuse Accusations, and Child Kidnapping. The National Center
for Missing and Exploited Children reports ~1,000 intra-family abductions
in
the US/day and of these almost 1/2 involve concealment. Consider the fact
that
in America when you go to Divorce Court it is like your automobile insurance
policy. It is NO-FAULT. What that means is, it doesn't matter WHO is
responsible for the divorce. It doesn't matter that you committed adultery,
domestic violence, or were merely incompatible with your spouse, more commonly
paraphrased by the court as "a marriage that is irrtrievably broken
due to
irreconcilable differences. The fact remains, NO-FAULT is synonymous with
NO-
PROOF, meaning you won't have an evidentiary or adjudicatory hearing on
why
you should NOT get divorced. The fact remains in America today it is TOO
easy
to get divorced and our legislatures have made it such. Basically, NO-FAULT
Divorce set the stage for the abuse excuse. It allows frivilous and
unsubstantiated allegations of domestic violence and child abuse to be
levelled in order to achieve a self-serving goal...that goal sometimes being
to run with and abduct a child.
SAID SYNDROME
Known as the ultimate weapon, divorces atom bomb, the false accusation of
child sex abuse filed within the context of a divorce, custody battle or
visitation dispute, is lethal not only to the unjustly accused parent, but
also to the child. Here, non-abused children are treated as abuse victims,
for
conditions that do not exist. And, the evidence is in that false accusations
of child abuse do negatively impact the children. Because
undereducated,undertrained and overzealous social workers and sex crimes
detectives use unscientific means to extract disclosures of abuse by kids,
e.g. anatomically detailed or exaggerated dolls, puppets and drawings (play
therapies), suggestive and leading questions combined with reinforced behavior
(cake, candy or ice-cream), it is not only possible but it happens all too
often that children under the age of reason, under the age of 7, can not
only
talk about the tooth fairy and Santa Claus, but also about how Daddy touced
me
in bad places.
Hickman and Reynolds have published a paper which supports the fact that
children are severely traumatized by false allegations of child abuse where
they are trained to believe bad things happened to them. They must be treated
by psychologists who are experts in treating PTSD to have a chance at
recuperating. Some need psychiatric attention to function and progress through
child development. Some commit suicide. We can no longer say "we must
err on
the side of the child, on the side of caution." It's NOT OK for courts
to
consider these volatile allegations a crapshoot, a dice-toss, and not consider
the negative effects upon the non-victimized child. The fact remains, this
year in America there will be 3.3 million reports of alleged child abuse
and
neglect of whichy ~16% will constitute sex abuse charges. Of the same ONLY
~20% of those claims and 1/3 of the overall number of claims (~1 million)
will
be confirmed as real abuse. Now, obviously, this is not to discount the
1
million confirmed number of cases, of which most are child neglect and
physical abuse cases. The Governor in my state of Florida has just signed
into
law a provision which mandates *untreatable* sex offenders to enter a mental
health institution directly from prison after they're done doing their time.
Realize, however, that 2 million kids will be possibly *kidnapped* from
their
families by child "protective"services, in the name of child protection.
There
is a huge number of false positives and to a lesser degree false negatives,
in
these cases. Regardless, the error rate is outrageous and unacceptable.
Another phenomena that occurs in child abduction cases, both before and
after
the abduction, is parental alienation. Coined by Dr. Richard Gardner in
1985
it is where one parent vilifies the other in a war between the sexes. The
defenseless child, who is the pawn, weapon or tool caught in the middle
of the
tug-of-war, can be emotionally and psychologically destroyed by the
alienation. The child may be brinwashed, poisoned, coached and trained that
the other parent is bad, and this becomes the childs reality. I have consulted
on and continue to do so, numerous move-away (abduction) interstate compact
cases, where parental alienation is evident. The goal of the alienator is
crystalline: deprive the lost parent, not only of the childs time, but of
the
time of childhood. Moreover, the courts exacerbate the problems of litigating
PAS cases as justice delayed is justice denied, not only for the aggrieved
parent, but also the child. We have evidence that the short-term effect
of PAS
upon kids is deleterious. The evidence is still out as it concerns the long-
term effects of PAS upon the children. You might note the folowing state
courts have allowed PAS testimony for the defense: NH, FL, WA, CT, NY, OH,
IN,
NE, IA, WI, TX and CA.
While I see cases where alot of mothers and some fathers wield a child as
a
pawn and exhibit PAS, I see more and more fathers accusing mom of MSBP.
MSBP
is a bizarre form of child abuse that IS usually seen when a mother strives
for attention, taking her child countless times to the local E.R. for various
alleged problems. What is happening here is mom is projecting her own
pathology onto the child and the child, in time, develops real signs and
symptoms of abuse...e.g. eneuresis and encopresis. But, this is rare! Yet,
I
see fathers using this as a tool to win back custody, falsely accusing Mom
of
Munchausen Syndrome. I might add there's an excellent lawyer by the name
of
Tom Ryan, who is listed in the back of my book (ASHES to ASHES...Families
to
Dust), who litigates these cases for the defense.
TROs, PROs, PFAs, OFPs, the UCCJA and PKPA:
I'm seeing more and more cases as a consultant in interstate jurisdictional
battles consist of Temporary and Permanent Restraining Orders, sometimes
called Protection From Abuse Orders, or Orders For Protection. Again, while
nobody doubts the problem of domestic violence, there exists frivolous and
unnecessary, but impactful Restraining Orders issued every day in America.
Why
is this? For one thing, the complainant *only* needs a *statement of fear*
to
obtain the order. There need not be probative evidence that one party
physically hit, or beat the other party. Often times, domestic violence
shelters will fax these *uncorroborated hearsay reports* to the local
authorities who will, with the help of the Prosecutors office, remove the
*accused* from the premises. Consider the case of Masachusetts' Jim Parakis
which was aired via this city on NPR approximately 6 months ago:
Lawyers representing the former wife in Mass. obtained a *LIFETIME*
Restraining Order against Mr. Parakis, who was arrested for violation of
an
already existing restraining order, for appearing at his 8 year olds First
Communion. The little girl, in a taped phone call, cries aloud and wonders
why
her father cannot visit or call her on the phone. Incredibly, he is barred
from her for life! Now, this child abuse! This is court ordered child
abduction! Dave Usher from the ACFC said it best when he stated, "The
pain of
Jim Parakis' daughter rests squarely on the shoulders of ploticians and
judges
who value *fear* more than they do the best interests of children."
Im sure you're all privy to the UCCJA and PKPA. It is imperative that your
legal
counsel is experienced in litigating interstate custody and abduction wars
and
the implementation of these laws. Always, always, always, obtain a circuit
court order if *child custody* is, or may be, at issue. If you do so, you
have
established *home state* and subject matter jurisdiction. If you do not
do so
and your child is kinapped and you locate him/her,the PKPA can bring the
child
home. It takes precedence over the UCCJA, *if* there is a temporary court
order already in place. The PKPA discourages *forum shopping* and BPD accusers
not only shop for experts to corroborate *their* opinion, they shop for
states
which will give them and their children safe refuge. In essence, the PKPA
deters interstate abductions and other unilateral removals of children
undertaken to obtain custody awards.
And, I'm seeing scores of *Emergency Jurisdiction* Awards by state judges
not
privy to an ongoing case in another state. In a precedent setting case in
Ohio, the Supreme Court decided a case just last month. They went on to
say....."We recognize the Appellant failed to advise the North Carolina
court
that a proceeding was pending in Ohio. Nevertheless, as the court of appeals
stated, we will not reward appellant for her deception by deferring to the
jurisdiction of NC where it is clearly inappropriate to do so." The
evidence
in this case demonstrates that the appellant was willing to go to any length
to deprive appellees of contact with the two children. Not only was there
evidence she fabricated claims of sexual abuse, but the trial court found
that
she actually abused the children herself in order to cast suspicion on
appellees and to cut off their rights to visitation. We wonder whether the
true motive for her relocation was not a job opportunity but the chance
to put
distance between the girls and their father and to end his parental rights
by
relitigating issues that the Ohio court had already decided. This is precisely
what appellant has attempted to do here. We are unwilling to condone such
behavior." The High Court proceeded to affirm the judgment of the OH
Court of Appeals.
In closing, while we in no way, shape, or form condone any kind of child
abuse
or domestic violence, there exists an easy, convenient and effective weapon
to
achieve and complete a child abduction...and that is the false accusation
of
child abuse or domestic violence. False allegations of abuse deter the system
from investigating legitimate claims.And, there is empirical, peer reviewed
literature depicting the harmful effects of same upon our children. We must
strive to educate attorneys, mental health professionals, social workers,
police officers, teachers, our courts and our legislatures to this ever-
present tragedy. Because, as it states on my
website, "we will not win the war
against child abuse, until we win the battle against false accusations,
first."
-Dean Tong, Author
ASHES to ASHES...Families to Dust
http://www.abuse-excuse.com