"IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE."
"OH YES IT IS. THE STATE BAR SAYS SO."

In case you wonder why clients seem to have a very firm and unshakable concept of your role as a result-producer, quite different from the role you have tried to describe to them, you should know of a series of paid full-page advertisements that the Virginia State Bar is placing in various media, and on large posters in libraries and other public places. Each one features the face, neck and shoulders of a human being, and a number of short sentences placed as separate paragraphs (poetry style) down the page. One shows a winsome young girl. It says: "Her father takes his anger out on her. A lawyer made him stop. The Judge said it was a misdemeanor. The lawyer told him it was a felony. The DSS put her in foster care. The lawyer made it permanent adoption. Her father tried to kill her. A lawyer saved her life."

Another shows a young woman, looking worried and mad. The ad tells you that the docs and the AIDS center told her she was gonna die ("gave her a death sentence"); the lawyer told them "You can't do that." The lawyer gave her life.

Another shows a drop-dead cute baby. It says that the doctor says they couldn't have a baby, but a lawyer got them one to adopt. The adoption agency said it would take five years. But the lawyer made it happen in one. "The judge signed the order. But the lawyer made it final. The doctor said they couldn't have a child. A lawyer said they could."

So don't tell me you can't tell the judge what to do. Don't tell me you can't get me a baby: what kind of lawyer are you? I think you're just dragging this out to make more money. If you wanted to, you could get me a baby and final permanent adoption in one year and find a cure for AIDS in your spare time. It says so right here. Now I want my baby.

But you get the idea.